Can we talk?

Well, I made through my cloudy day yesterday!
Good friends are always handy to have around.

So is a daily supply of Wellbutrin. Seriously.
Anxiety is not to be treated lightly and after years and years of chronic pain and the last 3 years with the wayward daughter, my brain fried itself last April. That's pretty much what my doctor said. Chronic pain and unrelenting stress just shot my "usually happy, perky, look at the world and laugh" self to the ground and tried to break me.

I still have the occasional cloudy day, but I'm thankful it's cloudy and not black. If I wasn't on meds, I'd most likely be saying something much more different from my room at the hospital. I am not kidding. Or I'd be long gone. Interpret that how you choose.
Two friends bailed on me. Literally walked away. We've been Hockey Moms together for years, our boys are still friends. Since I told them both last May, each of them has spoken to me two or three times. These were people I'd talk to 4 and 5 times a week.

So, do the math, 12 months, 3 conversations. Dual rejections. 1 kick in the gut.
But when it comes down to it, would I want them in my corner, talking behind my back? I have had that happen and frankly, it is FAR worse to be betrayed than it is to be rejected. Rejection is quick, bloody, but it heals, Betrayal is a like a dark vapour that floats all through your social circle, entwining all who see it, but of course, YOU are the last to know. Which compounds everything.

I'd rather know my 'down in the dirt' friends, than my 'only in the sunshine' friends.

My husband is a rock. He may not be mushy or score high on the Hallmark Sensitivity Scale, but he is my warrior and protector.

Jesus never walked, although I accused Him of hiding. But who got me out of the ditch, brushed me off and told me He loved me?
He did.
Who has carried me through the dark and brought me here?
He has.
Who will NEVER betray me?
Him.


Why?
Like I said before.


I'm to die for.

I wish ruby slippers worked.
I wish I had less doubt.
I wish I was who I want to be.
I wish, right now, that I was somewhere else.
Wishes are for fountains.

I've got to remind myself that I'm to die for.

My name is Jennifer, I am a writer.

There, I said it!!

I am a writer!!!!

I have written a full length historical fiction novel, and am at work on the sequel.

I'm also brainstorming another novel with one of my crit partners.


I've joined a few writer's websites and organizations.

I still have a bad case of "imposter syndrome". Spell check said I spelled that wrong....

I've made friends with a few writers and am learning a LOT about the publishing industry and what it takes to get my name up in font.



And in other news... Zach and I are off to Halifax tonight and then Moncton on Saturday afternoon. Hockey. Hockey. Hockey.

I'll be glad when it's over.

Did anyone, ANYONE out there notice that I follow my own blog? Is that the equivalent of using names in cemeteries to pad the voter list? Probably.

Wait. IS anyone out there?
Taps screen?
Nope.
I don't want to sink into the Land Of The Comment Harlot.
Ahem.
But ONE would be nice...
Sniff.

L
On
Forehead.

It's been cool lately to *meet* other writers online and form a rather unique friendship. I really enjoy reading the perspectives of other writers, and since NO ONE ALIVE reads this , I could just give out my sister's home address and organize an egg throwing day.

Squirrel!

3 YEARS since I spoke with her and I only miss the sound of me telling her off.
Oh, and 5 1/2 months since Angela bothered to say hello. Poor, sweet, long suffering Brian. Wow, what a mess that is.

So, estoy a WRITER!
Why yes, I did write a 119,000 word novel, why do you ask?
ARE YOU AN AGENT?????????????????

Off to the gym, hopefully and then get life in this house in some semblance of order.

I wish Katie would get HER life in order. But I have anchored my soul in the cleft of the Rock...

Dios Tata benday si su chune.

Isaiah 40 vs 28 and on....

Do you not know?
    Have you not heard? 
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth. 
He will not grow tired or weary, 
    and his understanding no one can fathom. 
²⁹ He gives strength to the weary 
    and increases the power of the weak.
³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
    and young men stumble and fall; 
³¹ but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength. 
They will soar on wings like eagles; 
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint.

Can you hear me now???

No school today. Good grief. Anyway, all of us are running in different directions. Johnny is at home doing some editing and driving us all bonkers. He gets stuck and walks around to wake up, which means he'll drive whoever is in his line of sight right up the wall! BAH! Of course, no one has a clue what he is writing, so we can't help him and get him off our backs.

Blah blah blah, somatic embryo genesis, blah blah ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I'm getting addicted to blog reading and have found some fantastic blogs on writing and publishing. Hoisework gets ignored and I improve my WIP. Woohooo!!

3 days til my birthday. I'll be 30-19.

How the flaming heck did that happen?????

I'll be doing some gardening later on, I heart gardening. Whoodah thunk THAT 30 years ago?