Santa Cruz, California, October 28th, 2014

Santa Cruz, California, October 28th, 2014

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Can we talk?

Well, I made through my cloudy day yesterday!
Good friends are always handy to have around.

So is a daily supply of Wellbutrin. Seriously.
Anxiety is not to be treated lightly and after years and years of chronic pain and the last 3 years with the wayward daughter, my brain fried itself last April. That's pretty much what my doctor said. Chronic pain and unrelenting stress just shot my "usually happy, perky, look at the world and laugh" self to the ground and tried to break me.

I still have the occasional cloudy day, but I'm thankful it's cloudy and not black. If I wasn't on meds, I'd most likely be saying something much more different from my room at the hospital. I am not kidding. Or I'd be long gone. Interpret that how you choose.
Two friends bailed on me. Literally walked away. We've been Hockey Moms together for years, our boys are still friends. Since I told them both last May, each of them has spoken to me two or three times. These were people I'd talk to 4 and 5 times a week.

So, do the math, 12 months, 3 conversations. Dual rejections. 1 kick in the gut.
But when it comes down to it, would I want them in my corner, talking behind my back? I have had that happen and frankly, it is FAR worse to be betrayed than it is to be rejected. Rejection is quick, bloody, but it heals, Betrayal is a like a dark vapour that floats all through your social circle, entwining all who see it, but of course, YOU are the last to know. Which compounds everything.

I'd rather know my 'down in the dirt' friends, than my 'only in the sunshine' friends.

My husband is a rock. He may not be mushy or score high on the Hallmark Sensitivity Scale, but he is my warrior and protector.

Jesus never walked, although I accused Him of hiding. But who got me out of the ditch, brushed me off and told me He loved me?
He did.
Who has carried me through the dark and brought me here?
He has.
Who will NEVER betray me?

Like I said before.

I'm to die for.


  1. Jennifer, it takes a lot of courage and guts to be open about depression/anxiety/stress/fear. I think you've got a great perspective on it and it sounds like you've got an amazing husband, which I believe makes all the difference in the world. I'm so happy you're on this side of it and you've gotten out into the blogging world! If you're anything like me, writing is good therapy. Keep it up!

  2. Hey! Thanks, being honest is so much better than hiding!!
    I addressed depression in my MS, not everyone bounces back.
    Thanks for the visit!!