Santa Cruz, California, October 28th, 2014

Santa Cruz, California, October 28th, 2014

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

No, love is NOT a battlefield.



Me and John.

John and I.
Myself and my husband.
Annnnd my jacket was sliding, hence the whole linebacker shoulder thing. 




Pat Benatar was wrong. Love is NOT a battlefield.

But it can be, if we don't build an impenetrable fortress around our spouse and our self.

Here are some things my husband and I do to keep the fortress healthy and standing.

-We call it "a hedge". Keeping a hedge around us so that no one can ever say "well, I was all alone with her/him and she/he did...."
Keep all office doors open, literally. 

-Do not get suckered into an emotional connection with a person of the same gender as your spouse. DUH. Seriously. But it's a fine line, people, and if you have to justify secret conversations, then you are in trouble.  BIG trouble.
Unless you are planning a surprise party, then it's all good. 

-Do not speak ill of your spouse to anyone for any reason. This undermines your relationship in tiny steps, but a hundred tiny steps turns into a very long walk.

- Brag about them. Go ahead. If she sings well, tell your friends. If he's a great cook, share that with the crowd. Because if you brag them up? Chances are, someone is hearing about how awesome you are.

-Make time for each other. My husband will actually sit and watch Downton Abbey with me. People who know us are STUNNED by his behaviour. Why? It's PBS. It is NOT hockey.

-Make out. Can I get an amen?


So, anyone else want to chime in???


And in other news....

*Chad Allen from Baker Books will be joining TFTR for a visit. 
*As well as Katie Ganshert!

Stayed tuned for details.

24 comments:

  1. Marry over your head. It's great for your posture.
    Close your eyes. If you still think they're beautiful, you chose well.

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    1. Sage advice, thank you...who ever you are.

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  2. Love the picture and the wisdom in this post. All excellent tips. Hedging needs to be done regularly for all couples! And I like the bragging thing. Something tells me people know what an excellent cheesecake baker you are...

    And yes, I did have the "Love is a Battlefield" song running through my head the entire time I read this post.

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    1. Hi!! He does brag me up, which is nice. And yes, Pat Benatar needs to move along.

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  3. AMEN Sista, totally agree with everything you said. My honeyman and I call this our "soul shield", its always a work in progress but we "know" we are "safe" in our soul shield. We have 2 kayaks that are called "necky" by brand either of us would say "lets go necking in our neckys" :) Teri <3

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    1. Hi Teri!!! Yes, a shield is IMPORTANT!! I'd be too scared to kayak though. That whole falling out thing.
      Thanks for visiting!

      Delete
  4. That nice looking man threw dirt on your shoes?

    Amazing.

    Great tips!

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    Replies
    1. Hi Michelle!! Yes he did. What a scoundrel. But he also threw my heart into a tailspin and I love him to bits.

      Thanks for the visit!!

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  5. Laugh with each other. Tease, tickle and tell lame jokes.
    Talk to each other about things that matter... and things that you think don't. "How was your day?" can become a pretty long conversation.
    Listen to and learn from each other.
    Respect, respect, respect.

    Oh yeah, and totally make out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "How was your day?" Is bursting both doors open, isn't it?
      And yes, Aretha had it right, RESPECT!

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  6. Loved your tips! The brag on them one caught my attention, for sure.

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    1. I love bragging him up. Especially about the little things.

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  7. I beg to differ, Jenn. Love IS a battlefield when there is no efficiently-running vacuum... LOL. I love that John watches Downton Abbey with you! That's awesome. I once got David to watch my favorite movie of all time with me--"Bringing Up Baby" with Katherine Hepburn and Cary Grant. And okay, maybe he rolled his eyes a few times, but he liked it. And I loved sharing it with him. ;-)

    Great advice! I agree, the hedge must be protected.

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    Replies
    1. Hahaha!! The vacuum died? Poor you, and with a little dude running around.
      The hedge should be re-bar and steel!

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  8. This is the third (read that THIRD) reminder in less than a week about how important it is to guard my marriage and work at keeping it strong. Love each of these tips. My friend gave a talk at MOPS today and she talked about seven things we can do to strengthen our marriages. The one that stood out to me is to keep a mirror on hand to remind yourself that the only person you can control is the one staring back at you in the mirror. You CANNOT control your husband - no matter how much you try. :) I included a quote in our MOPS Newsletter today that basically said: When a man marries, he hopes his wife never changes. When a woman marries, she hopes she can change her husband. They're both disappointed. :)

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    1. Oooooh, I love that mirror idea!!
      I can control John, I wave pie at him and he stops time and sits down. The control lasts as long as the slice of pie.

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  9. Jennifer - AWESOME!

    Love the pic, love the points, love the fact that marriage CAN AND STILL DOES WORK if we choose to fight FOR it, instead of against it, or to just let it slip away without fighting at all.

    Wonderful, wonderful words, my friend.

    Hugs,
    Becky

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    1. Thank you!!
      I want people to realize that the longer a couple is married, the better they know themselves and each other. We cherish our friends and marvel at the simplicity of a well tuned friendship. Well, isn't that what marriage can be, if we treat it as a treasure?

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  10. We should share a decadent dessert soon!

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  11. Always remember that what you are about to say to your spouse could be a large part of what will form their last memory of your life together.

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    1. Amen, brother. Wise, but heartbreaking, words from a very wise man.

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  12. I will so file this blog post away for when I am married one day. :) You are just too cute--linebacker shoulders and all. ;)

    P.S. I'm sure you've heard of this but I had to make sure. Check out this ad for a Choctaw writers workshop. http://www.bookfunmagazine.com/i/107098

    ttyl, Jennifer!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hi Morgan!
      Thank you, it's common sense stuff, but it sure helps.

      I'll check out that workshop, thanks!

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