Santa Cruz, California, October 28th, 2014

Santa Cruz, California, October 28th, 2014

Friday, June 15, 2012

Tell me what you think, is this acceptable or not?

This scene is from my WIP, it is when the hero, who goes by two different names, finally gets to kiss the heroine, named Sarah.

Tll me what you think...


Simply being allowed to hold his girl was enough to cause Tag to send up prayers of thanks. Sarah had turned around to see the night sky and was standing with her back against Tag. After tightening his arms around her, Tag took a breath to speak. It reminded Sarah of her first night at the ranch, riding Black home under the night sky, safe from the darkness as Tag held her and comforted her.

"Do you like poetry, Sarah? Emma made me memorize quite a few poems, but I never thought that I'd ever use this one. I shall try and remember it all".

His fingers moved the wisps of her hair out of the way, then he put his lips down by her ear. Slowly, with a bit of pomp, he began to whisper.

"She walks in beauty, like the night

Of cloudless climes and starry skies;

And all that 's best of dark and bright

Meet in her aspect and her eyes:

Thus mellow'd to that tender light

Which heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade the more, one ray the less,

Had half impaired the nameless grace

Which waves in every raven tress,

Or softly lightens o'er her face;

Where thoughts serenely sweet express

How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.”

Stopping for a moment, then tightening his hold, Tag slowed his speech and deepened his voice.

“And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,

So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,

The smiles that win, the tints that glow,

But tell of days in goodness spent,

A mind at peace with all

A heart whose love is innocent!"

“That must have be written just for you, Sarah. That is how I saw you that night, out on the plains. I came out of the dark to see the most beautiful woman standing there. I knew you were frightened and had no reason to trust me, but you did. I think I lost my heart the moment you put your foot into my hands and let me lift you up onto Black. On the ride home, I could feel you shaking. Then, as I spoke to you and Black carried us home, you started to trust me. “

Sarah rested safely against his chest, not afraid of what might come next. Never had anyone made an effort to woo her with such tenderness, to make her heart long for just one more word. The heady rush of being loved was so foreign, yet there was nothing to fear. Tag held her for a long while. All she wanted was to feel his heart beating and lean against him. No other thoughts entered her mind.

“Are you alright, Sarah? You have been so quiet."

She let out a small laugh.

"Well, Rides Like An Arrow, you held me and whispered Byron into my ear, I can manage nothing more.”

Tag rested near her ear, his voice was so soft, she knew it was one that he saved for her alone.

"I know quite a lot more poetry. I might recite something else for you, but be careful because you shall not be warned."

“Well, sir, I think perhaps just hearing you whisper the alphabet in my ear would be enough. But I’ll take Byron as well. Or maybe some Navajo, you can choose.”

“Mmmmm, what shall it be?”


The moon floated across the night sky, sending a gentle breeze through the heavens. Sarah could almost hear laughter as the stars twirled in circles above the earth. Never in her life had she shared a moment such as this. Tag had proven his strength and his gentleness, Sarah was unsure which was more wonderful.

But Sarah knew that she had to let the magic fall from her hands and float to the ground.

"Well…if we are to make that journey tomorrow, a good night's sleep would be splendid. We really should go back to the house."

“Mmm hmmm.”

Tag unwrapped her from their cocoon and sighed deeply as Sarah turned around. He caught her as she came face to face with him.

"I do have one more request."


"Will you say my name again?"

Her heart shot to the sky, she could not take her eyes off his face, nor could she speak above a whisper. Sarah’s hands got lost in Tag’s long hair and then met up again behind his neck.

“Rides Like An Arrow.... I love you.”

Rides Like An Arrow took hold of Sarah’s face and kissed her forehead. His heart began to pound as he kissed her cheek. He could barely breathe by the time his arms found their way around her. He ran his hands down the back of her arms, pulling her close enough to feel her breath on his neck. When he felt how fast her shoulders rose and fell, he knew she was overwhelmed. Tag wanted to kiss her like he hadn’t kissed a woman in a very long time. But he wouldn’t take what was not freely given and he loved her too much to go any further.



“May I?”

All time and thought stopped. The moon could have fallen from the sky and Tag would not have noticed. Nothing else mattered. Nothing else was there. Just her. Only her.

Sarah felt like she could fly. The air around her felt like the sky before a storm. Like Christmas angels were getting ready to sing. Like a thousand lions were about to roar. Fear was gone forever.

Sarah reached up and pulled Tag down toward her, down to where she could feel his ragged breathing on her face.


Sarah closed her eyes.

Rides Like An Arrow made the world disappear.


  1. I don't think this is too graphic, though I was wondering what he did when he asked "May I"--kiss her or more? Good blip here!

  2. Hey Jennifer,

    Read it. All of it. Every word. I love that they are both so very aware of each others' every breath, every tremble, every sigh, but I also relate to the overlapping awareness of the scenery - a little like a very romantic acid trip, you know? But that's exactly what it feels like in that place and you've captured it beautifully.

    The fact that Tag quotes Byron, that he's memorized it in fact, that he hasn't whipped it out for anyone else, reveals a tender side of a tough man - something all of us women long for.

    I think it's wonderful, Jennifer, and I sensed the purity of their hearts even in their desire for each other.

    Spoken true, sister.