With silent, merciless cunning, its hackles came alive and its appetite was whetted. Hungry for the sounds of terror on which it fed, it reached tentacles up and felt the air for signs of life. It climbed out of its hiding place in the trunk and slithered toward where she lay, peaceful and undefended. It had her alone and was ready to feast on her deepening weakness and disappointment. The vile darkness unleashed its jagged claws and crawled up behind her. Blood stained teeth dripped with an insatiable hunger for triumph as foul breath whispered dread down her neck. Slowly, as her mind bid farewell to lamplight and safety, evil wormed deep inside her hidden places. Within seconds, darkness claimed victory and Sarah was dragged back into Hell.
We're off to Provincials today, it should be fun and nail biting at the same time. #3 is his team's keeper and frankly, he's pretty darn good! It's a chance to sit outside, out of the mole/writing room, and enjoy the sunshine. Chat with friends and maybe even pay attention to the game. Tomorrow the games are WAY more important, so I'll leave the stress home today, and bring the jumper cables, for my nerves, tomorrow.
Question....what sports could you watch 24/7 and which bore you to tears?
We're off to Provincials today, it should be fun and nail biting at the same time. #3 is his team's keeper and frankly, he's pretty darn good! It's a chance to sit outside, out of the mole/writing room, and enjoy the sunshine. Chat with friends and maybe even pay attention to the game. Tomorrow the games are WAY more important, so I'll leave the stress home today, and bring the jumper cables, for my nerves, tomorrow.
Question....what sports could you watch 24/7 and which bore you to tears?
Wow, Jennifer, some pretty scary stuff! The opening "With silent, merciless cunning, its hackles came alive" is a fantastic hook. The paragraph ends strong as well. I think there are some places where the writing could be a little tighter, which would heighten the tension and urgency. I'll email some suggestions to you IF YOU WANT them. Feel free to say, "Thanks, Christine, but I can handle my own re-writes." Overall, though, you have created a powerful scene. I definitely want to know what comes next.
ReplyDeletemy email is jandjmajor@rogers.com
DeleteSure, email them, that would be great!!!
ReplyDeleteYou have personified fear so descriptively. Great job. Is this a part of your novel, or a writing exercise you're doing or...?
ReplyDeletePart of the novel. It takes place after she thinks she's going to leave her demons behind and have a normal life....
Delete...and right after she tries to apologize to the hero for calling him a "wild, savage Indian who'll scalp us all in our sleep". NOT good timing...
DeleteNicely writ - how are the edits going????? Did you finalize your query totally, totally, totally?
ReplyDeleteHey, the edits are great, I fattened up the scenes where she tells him what really happened and query? I thought YOU were writing my queries???
DeleteI'll start them Monday or Tuesday.