Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?
I went to my other blog today, I don't visit much anymore, but I still try to pop in and say hello.
I used to be "friends" with someone on there who is basically blind, stinking, ridiculously over the top, loaded beyond words... RICH.
I met him through another friend, we'll call her Sarah.
Sarah died two years ago from cancer. She was 25. Her family was a royal mess, but it was big and loud and they loved her. The family was molded rather than made. Two women who were friends from their childhood years stayed together through thick and thin. One was happily married with a few kids. One flitted around the world then had a fling with a married man and left him behind after some summer fun and marriage wrecking.
She didn't know for about 6 months that she was pregnant and was completely shocked to be told she was going to be a mother. She came flying home and was grabbed into her best friend's arms and it was there that she found her place. Sarah grew up with 2 mothers, one father and 2 sets of grandparents and brothers and sisters all intertwined line a vine. No beginning, no end, just lots of love in the long, winding, loving story.
When Sarah was in university, her "brother", (the un-related kids in the clan referred to each other as siblings their entire lives) died of cancer, and it devastated her whole, huge clan.
Then the unthinkable happened.
Sarah was diagnosed with cancer. It was all over the place. They nuked her and fried her and the doctors did everything possible to save her. She went through that TWICE.
Then was given the all clear and went back to university.
Then she got chicken pox and was in the hospital for a month.
Her birth mother came to her bedside, took one look at her ONLY CHILD and said "I can't deal with this."
For 6 weeks.
She went sailing in Greece.
Poor sweet Sarah. She was diagnosed with cancer again.
I poured my heart into that girl, as did quite a few others from the blog site. Her touchable and virtual friends loved her long and hard from all across the world.
She was friends with the rich boy, who jetted all over the world, chasing cancer treatments and surgeries and receiving all kinds of cutting edge treatments that were far beyond the reach of Sarah. This young kid also faught HARD to stay alive, but he DID have an edge.
A really impressive,expensive edge.
Don't tell me that he didn't.
Don't tell me they had the same chance.
Don't tell me Sarah wasn't angry.
She told me so.
More than once.
One day, I got an email from her telling me she'd been declared cancer free, but was still in the hospital.
She was a nanny for a posh family in Europe and missed the kids very much while she was in treatment. Her doctors gave her permisson to take the kids to a movie while on an evening pass from the hospital. They went in late. She was bald and weak and they were aided by the kind theatre staff who sat them in the back row.
She felt tired after the movie and went to bed in her hospital room. That night, after sharing a fun evening with the kids, she had a massive stroke. Her heart failed the next day, and she died.
Her body was spent.
The cancer was gone, and so was her strength.
She had literally died of exhaustion.
I saw today's post from the young man.
He had some kind of surgery and since his infection was gone, he and his wife went to Europe.
Yes, it appears he is still sick.
I KNOW that.
But his bills are taken care of by his wealthy family.
The demon of financial worry does not haunt him. It doesn't keep him from seeking treatment. The burden of selling their house to keep him alive doesn't cloud which drugs he takes for pain.
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND why my dad struggles each day with pain.
Why my biological father walked away from 3 children.
I do not understand why my friend has a chronic, painful condition that has wiped her out for months.
I do not understand why me and half my female friends are on some kind of anti-depressant.
Understand this, pay attention, listen to me...if I did not take my meds, my life would NOT be what it is now.
And yes, I sure did pray about it.
One's level of faith DOES NOT EQUATE HIS OR HER STATION IN LIFE!!!!!
Why do some people have everything and others have nothing?
Why does that kid from the blog have the resources to keep fighting and win, when others have nothing?
The thing is.
None of us deserve anything.
Neither good, not bad, none of us DESERVE one sweet thing in this world.
God GIVES us HIS grace.
He gives us His love.
Which is good.
Because I cannot afford to buy what it takes to please God. Because nothing *I* can DO can impress Him.
It is what I can accept FROM Him!
It's what HE gives ME!!!!
How cool is that?
He gives me His love, His grace and His mercy.
And He takes my life and makes it His.
I can only give it back to Him.