The dumbest thing I ever said...

It was Easter, 1994.

It was a gorgeous sunny day, and one of our guests was late. And no, not 10 minutes late. We kept saying "wait 5 more minutes". When he arrived, an HOUR late, he was NOT exactly contrite. I was NOT happy.

JUST as we were about to sit down for our cold turkey dinner, our pastor showed up with a car load of friends to see the renovations my husband had just finished. He was driving his friend's vintage yellow convertable. 

Sooooooooo, of course we had to wait until the leisurely tour was over.

Now, let's establish one very important factor.

I am hypoglycemic. I absolutely cannot, actually, I MUST NOT go more than 4 hours without healthy carbs AND protein, or my body goes haywire. This is not an excuse to chow on Snickers bars at will. This is "I got a parasitic infection when I was in Brazil and it made trouble for my pancreas".

So, we've established that:
A) my nice turkey dinner was cold and dried out.
B) the last guest was an hour late.
C) more guests came.
And...
D) I was in the red zone with a very bad drop in my blood sugar after 6 hours of no nutrients. 

I was shaking, agitated, disoriented, and of course, really, really mad.

Once the pastor and his guests were done, Hubs walked them out to their fancy yellow convertable, and chatted with them as countless neighbours meandered up and down the street.

I was shooting them all the Death Glare from the front porch and nearly weeping from the now physically painful shaking and the nearly complete brain fog that comes with a bad hypoglycemic "event". 

But before they could drive off and I could eat...the entire turkey...our pastor was having difficulty with closing his door. He tried over and over to slam it shut.

That is when I lost control of my faculties and yelled the following phrase...

Ahem...

"Maybe if you lost a few pounds, you could get the car door shut!!!"

EVERYONE froze. Birds flew from trees. I could feel the eyes of at least 10 people boring into me.

You see, the pastor? The man I'd yelled this too?

Wasn't exactly going to die from malnutrition anytime soon. Nor was I.

He laughed and off they drove...

I watched them drive away and by the time I got to the front step, my husband had already dug the hole I was to bury myself in.
He said, okay, wait...he HISSED "Great!! Now we have to move!!!!"

I ate in silence. 

So did our guests.

Then they tried to cheer me up, and mercifully left early.

I tried to call our pastor. No answer.

I tried and tried and tried and tried. No answer.

2 nights later, for some strange reason, we ended up at their house for dinner. I truly cannot remember how we ended up there.

By this time, I'd spoke with him and he assured me ALL was well and that he forgave me for publically humiliating us both.

Dinner progressed fine and everyone was in their own little eating zone. Then he said "Jennifer? Could you pass your fat, bald pastor the potatoes?"

His high school aged kids did a loud chorus of "DAAAAAAAD!!!!!!!!"

His wife gave HIM the Death Glare.

Me?

I nearly fainted.

But I learned.

About grace, forgiveness and laughter in the moments you'd rather cry.


Oh, and that if the seatbelt is hanging out of the car?

No matter how stick thin you are, the door still won't shut.