Happy 70th!!!

Today is my Mom's 70th birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!

My mom has gone from being a single mother, at the age of 22 with 3 kids, to being married to a fab-u-liss man and living in a townhouse on a golf course.

God carried her through some harsh years. REALLY harsh years.
Most of that pain was from the judgement of others.
Isn't it insane how "the church" can willingly and publicly shun a divorced young woman, but allow hypocrisy to roam freely?
Hmmmm.

Anyway,  God has been her champion and sent her a husband who fought for her. And us kiddies.
Let me tell you, he is NOT my "step-father" not when the papers say we adopted him. ;)

Two weeks from RIGHT NOW I'll be arriving at the airport in Halifax and getting ready to go through security and customs and hop my flight to Oklahoma.

I'm sorry.

OooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo-klah-hooo-mah where wind comes ripping down the plaaaaains!

Or something.

I'll be the one on the flight trying hard not to sing my way into Delta Airlines infamy. Cuz I bet NO one has ever sung that tune when they landed in Oklahoma City.
Which , according to the weather channel, is 892.8F right now.
In the shade.
Under the carpark.
Through the tunnel.

I was thinking about what to bring and the thought occured to me that I will not need a sweater. Hahaha!!
I'm SUCH a Canadian, we ALWAYS have a sweater handy.
I'l bring a cotton waffle knit pullover, for the cool nights in Flagstaff.
Besides, umm, there ARE malls...

I have a 4 or 5 hour layover in Chicago, so at least I can walk around in between melting on the planes. I always melt on planes.

Oh, 2 weeks of rigid discipline and I'm 7 pounds down.

I hope to hit the 10 pound mark before the trip.

Thankfully for me, heat kills my appetite. As long as I have a few apples, a water bottle and a yogurt or 2, I'll be fine.

And , according to my tour guides, I'll also have at least 2 Indian tacos and a platter of Mexican food. Every day.

Maybe I should  bring some spandex pants too?

This is much better than the other one .
AND my hair is flattened.

Go me.

Will Magua be on my flight??

Good evening from the deck of The Ark.
It's been raining , hard, for 2 days, with it not due to stop for another 2.
I wish I could send some rain to Colorado!!
SO sad, seeing people's lives ruined and hearts broken.
I prayed for the firefighters and everyone else helping with evacuations.

Life is put-putting along.
Little Miss I Only Call When I Need Something hasn't called in a while.
Do I care?
Hmmmm.
Should I?
Yes.
3 solid years of never listening gets a wee bit tiresome.
Especially when she calls and begs for advice.
Which she never EVER takes.
Ever.
Well, I lied.
She did start taking birth control last summer when she thought she was pregnant.
And then again in the late Fall after she ran out in September.
Yeah.
A two month gap.
But, like, they still have the ability to prevent pregnancy when you don't take them for two months.
Right?
Yuh huh.

And people wonder why I go to extremely remote villages in the Andes? 

I leave for Oklahoma City three weeks from tomorrow.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
I'm secretly hoping Wes Studi is on the plane so I can drill him about Magua in Last of the Mohicans.
My friend Karen is friends with Wes Studi's friend.
I know, we'll fer shur meet up.

I've lost 5 pounds in 10 days.
I am on track to be about 10 pounds down before I go on the Indian Taco Road Trip.
I barely eat carbs right now, and I'm going to HAVE to be good on the trip, or I'll fit real nice into our old tent in the garage.

I've shaved 8600 words off my WIP.
It's exhausting!!!

So...questions for the day.

Who is your favourite movie villian and why?
OR
What did God do lately that just freaked you RIGHT out??

For the not so faint of heart.

Watch this with the sound OFF, it's all wind.
This is how I travel in-country in Bolivia on my mission trips.
I LOVE Bolivia!!!!

Helloooooooooooooooo!!
Hopefully you aren't traumatized by this.
I thought I'd give it a go, since JessicaRPatch and Gabrielle and Katie and who knows how many other Awesomettes have done a vlog.

Research, road trip and hopefully no arrests.

Well.
The trip.
My good friend Karen Antone is Mohawk/Tuscarora/Oneida.
Yes,she's an American Indian.
Living in Fredericton, NB, doing mission work with Canadian Native people.
Her family did evangelism all across the US and Canada. She has been to every state except Alaska and Hawaii, or to the US Virgin Islands or Puerto Rico.

So when I started my book back in December, I began asking her questions regarding the Navajo culture. The hero is a Navajo Indian.
 Before long, she suggested we do a road trip across Navajo country and I could meet some of her Navajo friends and get an insider's education from Navajo people. One that would not happen if a white Canadian just showed up at a Navajo cultural centre  (that is how to spell it properly) and started asking questions. To walk up to someone and say "So, you're a Navajo Indian, tell me everything !" is bordering on insulting and well within the boundaries of stupid. To really have the little nuances that would make the book so much more authentic, I would need the grace and kindness offered only to a friend.

Although Karen's plan sounded awesome and incredible...there were a few minor, slight, ever so tiny problems.

A) We couldn't afford it.
B) We have 3 kids at home and 1 living with her *gem* of a boyfriend.
C) When could I go? School, hockey, school, soccer, school and of course, hockey. The logistics are enough to make you weep.
D)John is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS away in July for work. I cannot remember when he was home in July. I can not remember. I am single every July. I manage everyone and everything.
E) And holy cow, Arizona and New Mexico are very far away, hotels cost ALOT of money in summer and hahahah, HOW are we going to get there? Airfare in July? Bwahahahaha!

But when you pray, and you ask HIs will and for Him to lead you down the path He has made for you...God things happen.

John's work budget got cut. It got cut be roughly what he'd spend to do his field work. In July. Sooooo. No field work. In July. That means he'll be home. In July. To keep the house in order. In July. The kids don't have school. In July.

We have 11,800 Airmile points. A flight to Oklahoma CIty is 4350 points. Plus...get this....including travel cancellation and health insurance, my flight cost me...$248.53. Bahahaha!!!I cannot fly to Saint John for that! And Saint John is anhour's drive from here!

She has friends and family everywhere between Oklahoma and Phoenix and back. All with guest rooms and extra towels.

And Karen is needed in Oklahoma...in July. She's *driving* down with her sister. They leave next week. After they are done their work in Oklahoma, there is just enough time to drive from Oklahoma City to New Mexico and Arizona. And room enough in the car to bring a friend.

And what is in Arizona and New Mexico???

The Navajo Nation.


God is good.

Tell me what you think, is this acceptable or not?

This scene is from my WIP, it is when the hero, who goes by two different names, finally gets to kiss the heroine, named Sarah.

Tll me what you think...

                                       **************************************


Simply being allowed to hold his girl was enough to cause Tag to send up prayers of thanks. Sarah had turned around to see the night sky and was standing with her back against Tag. After tightening his arms around her, Tag took a breath to speak. It reminded Sarah of her first night at the ranch, riding Black home under the night sky, safe from the darkness as Tag held her and comforted her.


"Do you like poetry, Sarah? Emma made me memorize quite a few poems, but I never thought that I'd ever use this one. I shall try and remember it all".

His fingers moved the wisps of her hair out of the way, then he put his lips down by her ear. Slowly, with a bit of pomp, he began to whisper.

"She walks in beauty, like the night

Of cloudless climes and starry skies;

And all that 's best of dark and bright

Meet in her aspect and her eyes:

Thus mellow'd to that tender light

Which heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade the more, one ray the less,


Had half impaired the nameless grace

Which waves in every raven tress,

Or softly lightens o'er her face;

Where thoughts serenely sweet express

How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.”

Stopping for a moment, then tightening his hold, Tag slowed his speech and deepened his voice.



“And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,

So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,

The smiles that win, the tints that glow,

But tell of days in goodness spent,

A mind at peace with all

A heart whose love is innocent!"

“That must have be written just for you, Sarah. That is how I saw you that night, out on the plains. I came out of the dark to see the most beautiful woman standing there. I knew you were frightened and had no reason to trust me, but you did. I think I lost my heart the moment you put your foot into my hands and let me lift you up onto Black. On the ride home, I could feel you shaking. Then, as I spoke to you and Black carried us home, you started to trust me. “


Sarah rested safely against his chest, not afraid of what might come next. Never had anyone made an effort to woo her with such tenderness, to make her heart long for just one more word. The heady rush of being loved was so foreign, yet there was nothing to fear. Tag held her for a long while. All she wanted was to feel his heart beating and lean against him. No other thoughts entered her mind.



“Are you alright, Sarah? You have been so quiet."

She let out a small laugh.

"Well, Rides Like An Arrow, you held me and whispered Byron into my ear, I can manage nothing more.”

Tag rested near her ear, his voice was so soft, she knew it was one that he saved for her alone.


"I know quite a lot more poetry. I might recite something else for you, but be careful because you shall not be warned."

“Well, sir, I think perhaps just hearing you whisper the alphabet in my ear would be enough. But I’ll take Byron as well. Or maybe some Navajo, you can choose.”

“Mmmmm, what shall it be?”

“…anything.”

The moon floated across the night sky, sending a gentle breeze through the heavens. Sarah could almost hear laughter as the stars twirled in circles above the earth. Never in her life had she shared a moment such as this. Tag had proven his strength and his gentleness, Sarah was unsure which was more wonderful.



But Sarah knew that she had to let the magic fall from her hands and float to the ground.

"Well…if we are to make that journey tomorrow, a good night's sleep would be splendid. We really should go back to the house."

“Mmm hmmm.”

Tag unwrapped her from their cocoon and sighed deeply as Sarah turned around. He caught her as she came face to face with him.

"I do have one more request."

“Oh?”

"Will you say my name again?"

Her heart shot to the sky, she could not take her eyes off his face, nor could she speak above a whisper. Sarah’s hands got lost in Tag’s long hair and then met up again behind his neck.

“Rides Like An Arrow.... I love you.”


Rides Like An Arrow took hold of Sarah’s face and kissed her forehead. His heart began to pound as he kissed her cheek. He could barely breathe by the time his arms found their way around her. He ran his hands down the back of her arms, pulling her close enough to feel her breath on his neck. When he felt how fast her shoulders rose and fell, he knew she was overwhelmed. Tag wanted to kiss her like he hadn’t kissed a woman in a very long time. But he wouldn’t take what was not freely given and he loved her too much to go any further.

“Sarah?”

“Yes?”

“May I?”

All time and thought stopped. The moon could have fallen from the sky and Tag would not have noticed. Nothing else mattered. Nothing else was there. Just her. Only her.





Sarah felt like she could fly. The air around her felt like the sky before a storm. Like Christmas angels were getting ready to sing. Like a thousand lions were about to roar. Fear was gone forever.

Sarah reached up and pulled Tag down toward her, down to where she could feel his ragged breathing on her face.

“Yes.”

Sarah closed her eyes.

Rides Like An Arrow made the world disappear.

3 Mohawks, some Navajos and a white girl get in a car...

Six months of talk, weeks of planning, MUCH prayer to be able to go and finally, today, I booked my flights
Where to, you ask?
I fly Halifax to Oklahoma City, then I'm joining my 2 friends and maybe their dad, on a wee bit of a drive.
Friends? You have friends?
Yes, they are Mohawk/Oneida Indians. They do mission work up here.
So. A drive?
Why yes, a drive.
Where to?
From Oklahoma CIty to Albuquerque , New Mexico. From ABQ, as everyone calls it, to Window Rock, New Mexico.
So, why Window Rock? What's so great about Window Rock? In July?
Yup, the hottest time of the year.
Soooo, this Rock place? What's the big deal?
Window Rock, my readers, is the capital of the Navajo Nation.

I am going on a research trip for my book.


I am going to Navajo Country!!!!!!!!!!!



WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

God is SO GOOD!!!

In bloom....

Where do you go when your knees give out?

So, where DO you go when your weary knees give out? When you are spent. When you've sought after God's heart and you are exhausted?
I listen to music. I write. I stare of into the back yard, from my *office* in the dining room.

How do you cope when you are so tired you can't remember your own name?

This is from my journal/blog on OpenDiary.com, written on June 22nd, 2001.

We'd had a miscarriage and I was utterly broken. I was 38.
This was my very first blog entry. My best friend Robyn had me start writing to cope with the pain.

So here we go...
There was a film made a few years ago about women in a POW camp in WW2. It was called "The Paradise Road", in reference to the road towards the gates of Heaven walked alone once one had died. Why do I mention this now??
We found out yesterday that our 10 week fetus was not 10 weeks along, but had died at 6 weeks. Holy smokes. I had just wrapped my head around the "we are having another Baby!!!"
Now they tell me that it isn't a baby, it's a mass of cells still attached to my uterine wall, somehow still in there. But it's NOT a "mass", it's my child. My DEAD child.
A lesson called" How to crush the spirit and still pretend to function"?
So now I prepare for the slow/fast expulsion of the "baby". Somehow.
How do I let this baby go? How do I cope with still harbouring a dead child? Ahhhhhhgh ! I thought and I thought. Then the shortest prayer many have uttered..."help".
Then, the movie's title came to mind." Paradise Road". Walk down the Paradise Road. I am a firm believer in an absolute and loving God. I know He put this thought into my blurred and worn out mind.
So I mentally wrapped my baby up, put it in the nice big blue pram, and walked down the long Paradise Road. I am not alone in this. God is there, walking ahead, leading us so I can keep my eyes on you.
So on we walk, Baby and Mother. Saying my goodbyes. It was so painful,I didn't even know if you are a girl or a boy!!!
We get to the Gate. I have to go back now.
I'll meet you in 60 years when I die in my sleep, then please meet me at the beginning of the road. You'll show me the way. Then you can tell me your name. Take the blanket. Even though Heaven is warm, you might need this. We loved you.

Can we talk?

Well, I made through my cloudy day yesterday!
Good friends are always handy to have around.

So is a daily supply of Wellbutrin. Seriously.
Anxiety is not to be treated lightly and after years and years of chronic pain and the last 3 years with the wayward daughter, my brain fried itself last April. That's pretty much what my doctor said. Chronic pain and unrelenting stress just shot my "usually happy, perky, look at the world and laugh" self to the ground and tried to break me.

I still have the occasional cloudy day, but I'm thankful it's cloudy and not black. If I wasn't on meds, I'd most likely be saying something much more different from my room at the hospital. I am not kidding. Or I'd be long gone. Interpret that how you choose.
Two friends bailed on me. Literally walked away. We've been Hockey Moms together for years, our boys are still friends. Since I told them both last May, each of them has spoken to me two or three times. These were people I'd talk to 4 and 5 times a week.

So, do the math, 12 months, 3 conversations. Dual rejections. 1 kick in the gut.
But when it comes down to it, would I want them in my corner, talking behind my back? I have had that happen and frankly, it is FAR worse to be betrayed than it is to be rejected. Rejection is quick, bloody, but it heals, Betrayal is a like a dark vapour that floats all through your social circle, entwining all who see it, but of course, YOU are the last to know. Which compounds everything.

I'd rather know my 'down in the dirt' friends, than my 'only in the sunshine' friends.

My husband is a rock. He may not be mushy or score high on the Hallmark Sensitivity Scale, but he is my warrior and protector.

Jesus never walked, although I accused Him of hiding. But who got me out of the ditch, brushed me off and told me He loved me?
He did.
Who has carried me through the dark and brought me here?
He has.
Who will NEVER betray me?
Him.


Why?
Like I said before.


I'm to die for.

I wish ruby slippers worked.
I wish I had less doubt.
I wish I was who I want to be.
I wish, right now, that I was somewhere else.
Wishes are for fountains.

I've got to remind myself that I'm to die for.

My name is Jennifer, I am a writer.

There, I said it!!

I am a writer!!!!

I have written a full length historical fiction novel, and am at work on the sequel.

I'm also brainstorming another novel with one of my crit partners.


I've joined a few writer's websites and organizations.

I still have a bad case of "imposter syndrome". Spell check said I spelled that wrong....

I've made friends with a few writers and am learning a LOT about the publishing industry and what it takes to get my name up in font.



And in other news... Zach and I are off to Halifax tonight and then Moncton on Saturday afternoon. Hockey. Hockey. Hockey.

I'll be glad when it's over.

Did anyone, ANYONE out there notice that I follow my own blog? Is that the equivalent of using names in cemeteries to pad the voter list? Probably.

Wait. IS anyone out there?
Taps screen?
Nope.
I don't want to sink into the Land Of The Comment Harlot.
Ahem.
But ONE would be nice...
Sniff.

L
On
Forehead.

It's been cool lately to *meet* other writers online and form a rather unique friendship. I really enjoy reading the perspectives of other writers, and since NO ONE ALIVE reads this , I could just give out my sister's home address and organize an egg throwing day.

Squirrel!

3 YEARS since I spoke with her and I only miss the sound of me telling her off.
Oh, and 5 1/2 months since Angela bothered to say hello. Poor, sweet, long suffering Brian. Wow, what a mess that is.

So, estoy a WRITER!
Why yes, I did write a 119,000 word novel, why do you ask?
ARE YOU AN AGENT?????????????????

Off to the gym, hopefully and then get life in this house in some semblance of order.

I wish Katie would get HER life in order. But I have anchored my soul in the cleft of the Rock...

Dios Tata benday si su chune.

Isaiah 40 vs 28 and on....

Do you not know?
    Have you not heard? 
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth. 
He will not grow tired or weary, 
    and his understanding no one can fathom. 
²⁹ He gives strength to the weary 
    and increases the power of the weak.
³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
    and young men stumble and fall; 
³¹ but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength. 
They will soar on wings like eagles; 
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint.

Can you hear me now???

No school today. Good grief. Anyway, all of us are running in different directions. Johnny is at home doing some editing and driving us all bonkers. He gets stuck and walks around to wake up, which means he'll drive whoever is in his line of sight right up the wall! BAH! Of course, no one has a clue what he is writing, so we can't help him and get him off our backs.

Blah blah blah, somatic embryo genesis, blah blah ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I'm getting addicted to blog reading and have found some fantastic blogs on writing and publishing. Hoisework gets ignored and I improve my WIP. Woohooo!!

3 days til my birthday. I'll be 30-19.

How the flaming heck did that happen?????

I'll be doing some gardening later on, I heart gardening. Whoodah thunk THAT 30 years ago?

Oh crap. I just got a spine chilling wave of anxiety. Thank the Lord and chew Wellbutrin like candy! The last thing I need before a weekend road trip (hockey) is a mini-melt down.
I'd better put some perky tunes on and watch Monty Python on Youtube.

My back hurts today. Oh. What a surprise.

I did a bunch of running around and even went downtown to get Zach's SIN number, only to find out that I've had it for 5 years. I opened a pocket of my wallet, and there it was. What a dorkwad!!!!

I have to get ready to go to Bangor on Friday. Zach has a tournament and poor moi has to drive. Hello Marden's and Kohl's and what ever else I find. The boy needs some shorts. Children's Place in the USA has 'husky' sizes. Hopefully I can find him a few pairs. Or I'll scour every store in sight, you know, for the boy.

John said the rink is cold, so I'll bring my Quechua blanket and some wool socks.

A get away will be nice. Ahhhhhhhhh.

Ahhhhhhhhh. Only 6 more months and I'll be winging to my beloved Bolivia!! The photo above was taken in a gorgeous village called Mojon K'hasa (mow-hon ka-sa). We got to watch the sun rise at 12,000 feet. The hike UP to the trucks was 1000 vertical feet. Not including the switch backs. It was step-step-breathe for about half an hour. Absolutely brutal. Then a lovely Quechua man jogged up the trail carrying our generator on his back. It was unreal!! I am so looking forward to saying "Dios Tata benday si su chune" again. 10,000 Bolivianos to whoever knows what that means.

I worked in the front garden today. It hurts like crazy to move, but the 13 different iris plants waved hello. :)

Ah, Spring is the beautiful morning that God gives our year.

I just sent a query to Rachelle Gardner. I may go pass out now.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

On the perils of self important , legalistic Christians...


...the woman was only being Biblical. In Narcissist chapter one and verse four, we read: “other people’s sins are to be shared publicly in a spirit of concern so that they might turn from their ways and become as thine self.” Also, that person was separating your sins as far as the east is from the west, which geometrically is Australia.

The proper response to such actions should also be Biblical. I believe it was in Paul’s Epistle to Epicureans the where he said “bite me.”

Grace is so cool. With it we can even forgive the worst of sinners and other church leaders.

Is this the day? Is this the day my translations come and I can FINALLY query my manuscript??? Is waiting on a little old lady a huge lesson in patience?? Ohhhhh I think so. I have a query all ready to go, but I need a simple paragraph's worth of Navajo to wrap everything up neatly and tie it with a bow. I think God must spend alot of time waiting for me to get it together.

Life costs money.

Lots and lots of money. I wish I had the moolah to do everything that we NEED. I need a fairy godmother. Or maybe some faith that all will work out how it's supposed to work out? Yup, I need to keep praying over my trip to Bolivia, my various projects, and my friend Jean Jones.

Waves.
Hi. Umm, yeah.
It's been a week or ...100.
Hi David.