And I thank God for the weather.
It's a happy day, and I'm living it for my Lord.
It's a happy day, and things are gonna get better,
Living each day by the promises in God's Word.
That is a camp song I learned about ...insert awful number of years ago here.
That song always perks me up and makes me feel eleven years old.
There are blue skies and the lake is like glass today. We're leaving tomorrow and I couldn't be happier, well, I could, if we were flying home. But NOT on United! Ha!
I am tired of suitcases. I've been living in mine for a month, with a 4 day break at home. I miss my friends, I miss my bed. And honestly, I miss my husband! Yes, he's here, but ...anyway...ahem. Fans self.
When I get home, I'm going to start putting together my query. GAH!!!!
I also have to outline , on my hard drive, the books that have come together and are ready to be started.
And I have to finish the sequel to the one I just typed "The End" on last night.
I am being forced to change the title of my book. Someone else has a book out withalmost the same title as my MS.
MY title was "The Secret Keepers".
There's already a book out called "The Secret Keeper".
Since mine has issues in it like a) the harm that comes from not telling the truth, b) hiding someone you love from those who want to kill him, c) PTSD and d) learning to admit when you've fallen n love...I thought my title was darn tootin' good!
I've danced with a few different alternatives and have come up with "A Night in the Darkness".
Our heroine has lived half of her life under a cloud of pain and trauma, our hero has a history of being hunted and despised because he's Navajo, both have deep secrets they're trying to hide. Upon her arrival at her sister's ranch, and finally to safety after twenty years of horror, our heroine has a nightmare and runs out into the darkness. Our dashing hero, who's sworn off love ever since his wife died, even though he once promised her he'd remarry, goes out in the dark to find our heroine. Once he finds her, she thinks she's going to be attacked, but instead meets the kindest soul she's ever known. He brings her safely home, on his big black horse and she is smitten, but terrified. He is also in big trouble, because he promised God he'd wait for "the broken one". And here is our heroine, covered in scars and trauma. He knows that she is The One and he's a wreck, because he disobeys God's plan for them both.
So, I think, given the themes of redemption, darkness and recovery...not to mention a great love story, I'm going to submit the MS as "A Night in the Darkness".
Ugh.
People say writing the book is the easiest part, and they're right!!!
Also, I'm wondering about asking a few of my favourite blog/writer/Facebook/email/real life friends to guest blog here. Yes, I'm nervous as heck to ask, but I want to have my friends over and hang out.
What is the etiquette on guest bloggers and if you read this blog, YES, you're one of the ones I want to ask!!
So, ponder and pray and tell me what you think.
Santa Cruz, California, October 28th, 2014
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Monday, August 13, 2012
Face.Palm.
What a craptastic day.
Fought with the spouse.
None of the emails I sent about translations have been returned.
Argued with the spouse.
Felt sorry for myself.
Went to join the SIL for kayaking only to find she'd already gone.
Annnnnnnnnnnnd...
Dropped the camera in the lake.
Tomorrow should be an improvement.
Fought with the spouse.
None of the emails I sent about translations have been returned.
Argued with the spouse.
Felt sorry for myself.
Went to join the SIL for kayaking only to find she'd already gone.
Annnnnnnnnnnnd...
Dropped the camera in the lake.
Tomorrow should be an improvement.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
I do NOT want to go away again!!
We were supposed to leave early this morning for Ontario. We're leaving tomorrow instead.
I don't want to travel again. I know, such a first world problem!
I am TIRED. 2 weeks on the road has exhausted me. Taking 3 days to get home has left me weary. I do not want to go anywhere. I don't even want to put in my contacts.
But it's time with John's very elderly parents that cannot be put off to another day. She's 85, he's 95. And I love them, so I guess 16 hours in a van with 3 boys will be the price I pay for time with his parents.
But if they weren't going to be there? I'd go on strike. Just like a spoiled twit. Well, not "just like" a spoiled twit. I'd BE the spoiled twit with whom all other regular twits are compared.
Ohhhh. Wait. There's an antique market there...Hmmmm.
And I can take my notes and work on my query while at the beach.
Not so bad afterall.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Hearing the screams...
I hope you *all* enjoyed the photos, I can guarantee that each one of them was taken at a temperature of at least 95F. In the shade. By a melting Canadian.
So.
Bosque Redondo. Which is Spanish for "round grove of trees".
Or the name in Navajo, which is "Hweeldi".
Let me back up a little.
John and I drove to Halifax to get me to my noon flight to O'Hare. We'd just had 3 lovely days ALONE while the boys were at camp. It was like being young and goofy again. We could say anything, not worrying about what impressionable ears would hear. We misbehaved. We laughed ourselves silly. And we did other ...anyway...stuff.
I slept on the way to Halifax, we'd left the house at 7am for the 3 1/2 hour drive. The flight was on schedule and I made it through Customs and Security just fine.
Or so I thought.
Boarding ended at 12:15.
At 12:12 , as I boarded the plane, I got flagged and had to go back and have a body scan.
Listen, after 4 kids and an unscheduled visit with a pig in a ditch in Bolivia, with my jeans around my ankles...who gives a hoot about a body scan??
I made the flight and off we went.
I had a 4 hour layover in Chicago and then the flight was delayed another 4 hours. I arrived in OoooooOOOooklahoma at 1am. But I did not care!!
I met our adorable hostess, LaVonna, and was ever so nicely served green chili enchiladas. At a rather late hour. Welcome to the South. Eat it anyway.
Y'all.
Our first day was from Oklahoma City to Santa Rosa, New Mexico.
We, that would be Karen, Kathy and I, stopped in Amarillo for a steak dinner. That's where the BIG man ate a 72 ounce steak and should have stuck with the salad. He was beet red, sweating and couldn't walk very well.
How is eating 4 1/2 POUNDS of red meat something to wave above any other actually useful achievements???
Anyway, after a lovely drive and a stay in Santa Rosa, New Mexico (where I discovered my WiFi wasn't working), we headed for Fort Sumner.
It took some exploring of the rather umm, worn out town of Fort Sumner and a stop at the Billy The Kid Museum to even FIND the Bosque Redondo Memorial.
We arrived to find only one or two other vehicles and no one in sight. We wandered outside for a while until Kathy, who'd already predicted "I'm probably going to get militant " needed some air conditioning.
Karen went with her and I stayed outside taking notes and pictures.
Walking around, I saw so little vegetation that could be of ANY use. Very few trees and just the alkali rich Pecos River. Alkali means poison. The utterly useless river water was lethal to anything who consumed the water. Horses, plants, people.
The unprepared US Army drove 9000 people to a prison camp, with no water.
Fools!
The land was desolate. The Fort's was barely ready. Only Army personnel and their wives had housing. So as the Navajo, or Dine, arrived, they were forced to dig holes in the frozen ground to escape the cold and wind.
At it's longest, the route was 450 miles.
Along the Walk, Spanish settlers, Comanches, Utes, any other enemies of the Navajo were ALLOWED to steal women and children as slaves.
Young men were shot if they tried to save their wives or sisters, or their children.
Some Navajo never surrendered and were safe from the Army. They escaped into the Grand Canyon, Utah and other areas further north than Canyon De Chelly. (Pronounced Canyon d'Shay).
From January 1864 to June of 1868, approximately 3000 of the 8500 Navajo prisoners died.
A full twenty percent of the entire Navajo died in 4 1/2 years.
The worst thing I learned, the catalyst for a whole new story, was the following:
During the early days of the Walk, two young women were taken behind a rock.
As the the whole crowd of their people looked on, and their husbands stood by, unknowing, both young women were shot dead.
Why?
They were slowing everyone down.
They were in heavy labour and about to give birth. The soldiers refused to wait until the babies were born.
Hundreds of people screamed in terror after the gunshots rang out. Then they were forced to keep marching.
I cannot believe for one split second that the devil didn't dance that day.
I already have the book outlined.
So.
Bosque Redondo. Which is Spanish for "round grove of trees".
Or the name in Navajo, which is "Hweeldi".
Let me back up a little.
John and I drove to Halifax to get me to my noon flight to O'Hare. We'd just had 3 lovely days ALONE while the boys were at camp. It was like being young and goofy again. We could say anything, not worrying about what impressionable ears would hear. We misbehaved. We laughed ourselves silly. And we did other ...anyway...stuff.
I slept on the way to Halifax, we'd left the house at 7am for the 3 1/2 hour drive. The flight was on schedule and I made it through Customs and Security just fine.
Or so I thought.
Boarding ended at 12:15.
At 12:12 , as I boarded the plane, I got flagged and had to go back and have a body scan.
Listen, after 4 kids and an unscheduled visit with a pig in a ditch in Bolivia, with my jeans around my ankles...who gives a hoot about a body scan??
I made the flight and off we went.
I had a 4 hour layover in Chicago and then the flight was delayed another 4 hours. I arrived in OoooooOOOooklahoma at 1am. But I did not care!!
I met our adorable hostess, LaVonna, and was ever so nicely served green chili enchiladas. At a rather late hour. Welcome to the South. Eat it anyway.
Y'all.
Our first day was from Oklahoma City to Santa Rosa, New Mexico.
We, that would be Karen, Kathy and I, stopped in Amarillo for a steak dinner. That's where the BIG man ate a 72 ounce steak and should have stuck with the salad. He was beet red, sweating and couldn't walk very well.
How is eating 4 1/2 POUNDS of red meat something to wave above any other actually useful achievements???
Anyway, after a lovely drive and a stay in Santa Rosa, New Mexico (where I discovered my WiFi wasn't working), we headed for Fort Sumner.
It took some exploring of the rather umm, worn out town of Fort Sumner and a stop at the Billy The Kid Museum to even FIND the Bosque Redondo Memorial.
We arrived to find only one or two other vehicles and no one in sight. We wandered outside for a while until Kathy, who'd already predicted "I'm probably going to get militant " needed some air conditioning.
Karen went with her and I stayed outside taking notes and pictures.
Walking around, I saw so little vegetation that could be of ANY use. Very few trees and just the alkali rich Pecos River. Alkali means poison. The utterly useless river water was lethal to anything who consumed the water. Horses, plants, people.
The unprepared US Army drove 9000 people to a prison camp, with no water.
Fools!
The land was desolate. The Fort's was barely ready. Only Army personnel and their wives had housing. So as the Navajo, or Dine, arrived, they were forced to dig holes in the frozen ground to escape the cold and wind.
At it's longest, the route was 450 miles.
Along the Walk, Spanish settlers, Comanches, Utes, any other enemies of the Navajo were ALLOWED to steal women and children as slaves.
Young men were shot if they tried to save their wives or sisters, or their children.
Some Navajo never surrendered and were safe from the Army. They escaped into the Grand Canyon, Utah and other areas further north than Canyon De Chelly. (Pronounced Canyon d'Shay).
From January 1864 to June of 1868, approximately 3000 of the 8500 Navajo prisoners died.
A full twenty percent of the entire Navajo died in 4 1/2 years.
The worst thing I learned, the catalyst for a whole new story, was the following:
During the early days of the Walk, two young women were taken behind a rock.
As the the whole crowd of their people looked on, and their husbands stood by, unknowing, both young women were shot dead.
Why?
They were slowing everyone down.
They were in heavy labour and about to give birth. The soldiers refused to wait until the babies were born.
Hundreds of people screamed in terror after the gunshots rang out. Then they were forced to keep marching.
I cannot believe for one split second that the devil didn't dance that day.
I already have the book outlined.
Friday, August 3, 2012
The Great Indian Fry Bread Road Trip. Part One.
A mirage on I-40
Welcome to where?
This man ate a 72 ounce steak. We thought he was going to have a heart attack.
You never know when you'll find a research gem. This is a collection of pre-WW1 barbed wire. As in, 1860's barbed wire used in ranches in Arizona...
Buffalo at a rest stop in Oklahoma. His nose was 8 inches across.
Almost to Bosque Redondo. Or as the Navajo call it, "Hweeldi".
The field where General Sherman, Barboncito and Manuelito signed the treaty in 1868 that freed the Navajo and allowed them to be escorted home, with gifts and supplies.
An artist's rendition of the Long Walk, January 1864.
Map of the various routes that the Army herded the Navajo toward the Bosque.
Some of the completely unfertile land that the Army expected the Navajo to turn into lush farmland.
A memorial from visiting Navajos to their ancestors.
Imagine crossing this, in Winter, on foot and for 450 miles. While they walked, the Army ALLOWED the enemies of the Navajo, and also any Spanish settlers who wanted to, to steal women and children for slaves. Less people to take care of made for less trouble along the way.
Window Rock, Arizona.
Me and Miss Rena at church. No, I wasn't being pinched, even though it may appear so. She was a sweetheart.
Jesus and His sheep.
Me and Helen Yazzie. Her great-grandparents hid from the Army and survived the Walk.
The sisters who made it all possible, Karen Antone, and Kathy Antone Barber.
Where my heroine meets her prince.
The hills above Sedona.
"Second and third level chief pattern" Navajo blankets at the Heard Museum in Phoenix.
I started teasing these two that they were from the BigHair Tribe of Oklahoma.
Melting alive and being blinded by the Arizona sun at the Heard Museum.
Why can't my husband study THESE kinds of trees???
Playing a fun game of "who drove the farthest?"
Cactus. Hello pain.
My ranch outside Flagstaff. Okay, not *mine*. But kinda.
Johannah, Lucinda and the always poorly behaved and very much loved Helen Yazzie. My Navajo sisters.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Hola from....Ohio?
Oh.
MY.
WORD!!!!!!!!!
I am in Cleveland.
Ohio.
Tell me how I ended up HERE????
I keep telling myself "I know God has a reason for this" but after THREE days of trying to get home and begin the story of my trip, complete with photos....I am in a Howard Johnson's eating granola bars and apples from my carry on.
Oh, and speaking of luggage. Mine will actually get home before I do.
And just so's you know. It takes two days to get home from Bolivia. Which is in the Southern Hemispere. 5000 miles from home.
Oklahoma is NOT that far!!
MY.
WORD!!!!!!!!!
I am in Cleveland.
Ohio.
Tell me how I ended up HERE????
I keep telling myself "I know God has a reason for this" but after THREE days of trying to get home and begin the story of my trip, complete with photos....I am in a Howard Johnson's eating granola bars and apples from my carry on.
Oh, and speaking of luggage. Mine will actually get home before I do.
And just so's you know. It takes two days to get home from Bolivia. Which is in the Southern Hemispere. 5000 miles from home.
Oklahoma is NOT that far!!
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Fry bread tacos are what they eat in heaven.
Oh my WORD!!
I had my first "Indian Taco" tonight. It probably had 4592 calories!!! Mmmmm.
John is going to ask me what I ate while I was away, cuz I'm sure I'll look like a beached planet when I get home.
Today we went to the Heard Museum in Phoenix.
Guess who was there??
Magua!!
Okay, it was Wes Studi's poster of himself as Geronimo.
But hello? He was Magua too!
They had an exhibit on Geronimo and included the movie posters from several Geronimo films. I took pictures of all the posters so no one will ask my why I had a picture of Wes Studi in among photos of Navajo rugs and clothing.
The museum was incredible, we even were the last ones there and had to be told to leave.
Awesome!!!
Then we went for Indian tacos at a famous fry bread place . Mmmmmmmmm.
Tomorrow it's back to Dillards so my friends can spend their gift cards and then to a huge Native American store to get a few goodies.
For research, dontcha know.
Thank you for your kind notes and prayers, it is a blessing to know I'm being prayed for.
I had my first "Indian Taco" tonight. It probably had 4592 calories!!! Mmmmm.
John is going to ask me what I ate while I was away, cuz I'm sure I'll look like a beached planet when I get home.
Today we went to the Heard Museum in Phoenix.
Guess who was there??
Magua!!
Okay, it was Wes Studi's poster of himself as Geronimo.
But hello? He was Magua too!
They had an exhibit on Geronimo and included the movie posters from several Geronimo films. I took pictures of all the posters so no one will ask my why I had a picture of Wes Studi in among photos of Navajo rugs and clothing.
The museum was incredible, we even were the last ones there and had to be told to leave.
Awesome!!!
Then we went for Indian tacos at a famous fry bread place . Mmmmmmmmm.
Tomorrow it's back to Dillards so my friends can spend their gift cards and then to a huge Native American store to get a few goodies.
For research, dontcha know.
Thank you for your kind notes and prayers, it is a blessing to know I'm being prayed for.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
CHIEF Center
Hello from the Christian Hope Indian Eskimo Fellowship Center in Phoenix, Arizona.
Flagstaff was all that I needed it to be.
Window Rock and Fort Defiance was too.
This trip has been amazing!!
My tour guides, Karen Antone and Kathy Antone Arbeau are the kind of sisters that I wish my sister and I were.
I think I found my real life "hero", only I didn't tell him at the nice potluck we were having that I need a photo of him for the publishing house cover artist. I've also gotten 2 culturally appropriate Navajo names from my friend Helen Yazzie for my main character and his wife.
Tomorrow we're going to SLEEP IN!!!!!
Thankyou for your prayers.
Jennifer
Flagstaff was all that I needed it to be.
Window Rock and Fort Defiance was too.
This trip has been amazing!!
My tour guides, Karen Antone and Kathy Antone Arbeau are the kind of sisters that I wish my sister and I were.
I think I found my real life "hero", only I didn't tell him at the nice potluck we were having that I need a photo of him for the publishing house cover artist. I've also gotten 2 culturally appropriate Navajo names from my friend Helen Yazzie for my main character and his wife.
Tomorrow we're going to SLEEP IN!!!!!
Thankyou for your prayers.
Jennifer
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Magua was my tour guide.
I went to the memorial for the Bosque Redondo today and the walking tour thingie that we picked up to listen to the tour was none other the Great Wes Studi, otherwise known as Magua.
The memorial was utterly sad and depressing. 3000 people died in 4 1/2 years. The army lived in nice homes, the Navajo lived in holes dug in the ground. On the Walk, 2 women went into labout and the soldiers shot them rather than stop and wait for the babies to be born. What I read about the Walk up until today was nowhere near as bad as what I learned today. To see the country that they were marched across is utterly desolate and barren. Very few trees, I have no idea where they'd have gotten their water.
Women were assaulted in front of their husbands and the soldiers would have guns on the husbands. Terrible sick awful treatment.
Such sin. Such evil.
The trip was exhausting, I had a four hour delay in Chicago and arrived at midnight, I'd been up for 21 1/2 hours by the time I'd gotten to where we're staying. And it was ONLY 103 degrees.
We drove through Oklahoma and Texas and stayed in Santa Rosa, New Mexico the first night out. Tonight I am in Window Rock at the friends of my friends.
We went up to the Rock and took tonnes of photos.
My laptop will NOT pick up wifi here. Maybe the Government of Canada has a block on Arizona wifi.
Flagstaff is tomorrow and I can't remember what is next. Imagine me with carlag and timezone change and total exhaustion.
That's all for now.
I'll post again when I can.
The memorial was utterly sad and depressing. 3000 people died in 4 1/2 years. The army lived in nice homes, the Navajo lived in holes dug in the ground. On the Walk, 2 women went into labout and the soldiers shot them rather than stop and wait for the babies to be born. What I read about the Walk up until today was nowhere near as bad as what I learned today. To see the country that they were marched across is utterly desolate and barren. Very few trees, I have no idea where they'd have gotten their water.
Women were assaulted in front of their husbands and the soldiers would have guns on the husbands. Terrible sick awful treatment.
Such sin. Such evil.
The trip was exhausting, I had a four hour delay in Chicago and arrived at midnight, I'd been up for 21 1/2 hours by the time I'd gotten to where we're staying. And it was ONLY 103 degrees.
We drove through Oklahoma and Texas and stayed in Santa Rosa, New Mexico the first night out. Tonight I am in Window Rock at the friends of my friends.
We went up to the Rock and took tonnes of photos.
My laptop will NOT pick up wifi here. Maybe the Government of Canada has a block on Arizona wifi.
Flagstaff is tomorrow and I can't remember what is next. Imagine me with carlag and timezone change and total exhaustion.
That's all for now.
I'll post again when I can.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Hello?
I just had one of those "are you listening? Cuz I AM is talking" moments. My books. 2013.
On shelves.
This scares the living daylights out of me.
"Did I give you a spirit of fear?"
Nope.
Then listen. And tell.
On shelves.
This scares the living daylights out of me.
"Did I give you a spirit of fear?"
Nope.
Then listen. And tell.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Grace, blessings and over rolled R's.
Hello.
I am TRYING not to obsess about the trip.
Hahahaha!!
No really, I promise.
Other than buying some maple syrup and chocolates. Only to find out when I got home that someone else requested chocolates. But hey, I am FINE with that!
I have some paperwork to do and a column to write and I am ignoring them.
I am avoiding them so badly that I just mopped two bathrooms instead.
I'm listening to classical music on itunes. Suo Gan sung by Susan Bullock. LOVE it. Although she overkills rolling her R's.
Yeah, maybe I should shut up since I haven't sung on the BBC... yet.
Still no word on any injuries from the 3 boys at camp. WOOO!!!
And my daughter hasn't reported any pregnancies. Yay.
I am struck lately by God's incredible grace and blessing on me.
He made me a writer.
And I am about to go to where my story is set.
That slays me.
I have done NOTHING worthy of His gifts.
And yet, He still delights in me and blesses me.
Me?
Who am I that He would call me by name?
I am TRYING not to obsess about the trip.
Hahahaha!!
No really, I promise.
Other than buying some maple syrup and chocolates. Only to find out when I got home that someone else requested chocolates. But hey, I am FINE with that!
I have some paperwork to do and a column to write and I am ignoring them.
I am avoiding them so badly that I just mopped two bathrooms instead.
I'm listening to classical music on itunes. Suo Gan sung by Susan Bullock. LOVE it. Although she overkills rolling her R's.
Yeah, maybe I should shut up since I haven't sung on the BBC... yet.
Still no word on any injuries from the 3 boys at camp. WOOO!!!
And my daughter hasn't reported any pregnancies. Yay.
I am struck lately by God's incredible grace and blessing on me.
He made me a writer.
And I am about to go to where my story is set.
That slays me.
I have done NOTHING worthy of His gifts.
And yet, He still delights in me and blesses me.
Me?
Who am I that He would call me by name?
Friday, July 13, 2012
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
RED hair!
My stylist was in a motorcycle crash last week.
My appointment was last week.
She had the nerve to break 2 ribs and crack her hip bone BEFORE she did my hair.
I know, right?
RUDE.
Wanna hear a song?
Mememememememememememememe!!!!!!!!!!
My word, I felt bad for her and awful because my FIRST thought was "but I was getting foils done!!"
What.
A.
Loser.
She's off work for a month.
The poor thing.
Thank the Lord that He knows exactly how self absorbed I am.
My very nice next door neighbour is a stylist, and get this....
I actually LIKE what she did MORE than what my stylist does.
Now I have great hair and a fabulous back-up in case my regular stylist goes horse back riding.
8 days and counting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can you say "excited"???
Gooooood, I knew you could.
And speaking of eights.
8 pounds off!!!!
I'm doing the glycemic index/low carb/no sugar eating habit...thing.
I refuse to use the D word.
I'm the lightest I've been since 2009, and I'm down 16 pounds since last summer.
YAY!!!
My reward, if I drop the 50-60pounds I'm aiming for, is a pair of vintage Levi's 501 button fly jeans. Old school wash, no pre-fading.
I finished the Deep POV revision on my WIP and cut a grand total of 14,000 words.
Hellllooooo needless back story and surgical revisions.
Thanks for visiting, and here's my question....
If you had to chose another country to live in, which one would it be and why?
My appointment was last week.
She had the nerve to break 2 ribs and crack her hip bone BEFORE she did my hair.
I know, right?
RUDE.
Wanna hear a song?
Mememememememememememememe!!!!!!!!!!
My word, I felt bad for her and awful because my FIRST thought was "but I was getting foils done!!"
What.
A.
Loser.
She's off work for a month.
The poor thing.
Thank the Lord that He knows exactly how self absorbed I am.
My very nice next door neighbour is a stylist, and get this....
I actually LIKE what she did MORE than what my stylist does.
Now I have great hair and a fabulous back-up in case my regular stylist goes horse back riding.
8 days and counting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can you say "excited"???
Gooooood, I knew you could.
And speaking of eights.
8 pounds off!!!!
I'm doing the glycemic index/low carb/no sugar eating habit...thing.
I refuse to use the D word.
I'm the lightest I've been since 2009, and I'm down 16 pounds since last summer.
YAY!!!
My reward, if I drop the 50-60pounds I'm aiming for, is a pair of vintage Levi's 501 button fly jeans. Old school wash, no pre-fading.
I finished the Deep POV revision on my WIP and cut a grand total of 14,000 words.
Hellllooooo needless back story and surgical revisions.
Thanks for visiting, and here's my question....
If you had to chose another country to live in, which one would it be and why?
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Happy 70th!!!
Today is my Mom's 70th birthday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!
My mom has gone from being a single mother, at the age of 22 with 3 kids, to being married to a fab-u-liss man and living in a townhouse on a golf course.
God carried her through some harsh years. REALLY harsh years.
Most of that pain was from the judgement of others.
Isn't it insane how "the church" can willingly and publicly shun a divorced young woman, but allow hypocrisy to roam freely?
Hmmmm.
Anyway, God has been her champion and sent her a husband who fought for her. And us kiddies.
Let me tell you, he is NOT my "step-father" not when the papers say we adopted him. ;)
Two weeks from RIGHT NOW I'll be arriving at the airport in Halifax and getting ready to go through security and customs and hop my flight to Oklahoma.
I'm sorry.
OooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo-klah-hooo-mah where wind comes ripping down the plaaaaains!
Or something.
I'll be the one on the flight trying hard not to sing my way into Delta Airlines infamy. Cuz I bet NO one has ever sung that tune when they landed in Oklahoma City.
Which , according to the weather channel, is 892.8F right now.
In the shade.
Under the carpark.
Through the tunnel.
I was thinking about what to bring and the thought occured to me that I will not need a sweater. Hahaha!!
I'm SUCH a Canadian, we ALWAYS have a sweater handy.
I'l bring a cotton waffle knit pullover, for the cool nights in Flagstaff.
Besides, umm, there ARE malls...
I have a 4 or 5 hour layover in Chicago, so at least I can walk around in between melting on the planes. I always melt on planes.
Oh, 2 weeks of rigid discipline and I'm 7 pounds down.
I hope to hit the 10 pound mark before the trip.
Thankfully for me, heat kills my appetite. As long as I have a few apples, a water bottle and a yogurt or 2, I'll be fine.
And , according to my tour guides, I'll also have at least 2 Indian tacos and a platter of Mexican food. Every day.
Maybe I should bring some spandex pants too?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!
My mom has gone from being a single mother, at the age of 22 with 3 kids, to being married to a fab-u-liss man and living in a townhouse on a golf course.
God carried her through some harsh years. REALLY harsh years.
Most of that pain was from the judgement of others.
Isn't it insane how "the church" can willingly and publicly shun a divorced young woman, but allow hypocrisy to roam freely?
Hmmmm.
Anyway, God has been her champion and sent her a husband who fought for her. And us kiddies.
Let me tell you, he is NOT my "step-father" not when the papers say we adopted him. ;)
Two weeks from RIGHT NOW I'll be arriving at the airport in Halifax and getting ready to go through security and customs and hop my flight to Oklahoma.
I'm sorry.
OooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo-klah-hooo-mah where wind comes ripping down the plaaaaains!
Or something.
I'll be the one on the flight trying hard not to sing my way into Delta Airlines infamy. Cuz I bet NO one has ever sung that tune when they landed in Oklahoma City.
Which , according to the weather channel, is 892.8F right now.
In the shade.
Under the carpark.
Through the tunnel.
I was thinking about what to bring and the thought occured to me that I will not need a sweater. Hahaha!!
I'm SUCH a Canadian, we ALWAYS have a sweater handy.
I'l bring a cotton waffle knit pullover, for the cool nights in Flagstaff.
Besides, umm, there ARE malls...
I have a 4 or 5 hour layover in Chicago, so at least I can walk around in between melting on the planes. I always melt on planes.
Oh, 2 weeks of rigid discipline and I'm 7 pounds down.
I hope to hit the 10 pound mark before the trip.
Thankfully for me, heat kills my appetite. As long as I have a few apples, a water bottle and a yogurt or 2, I'll be fine.
And , according to my tour guides, I'll also have at least 2 Indian tacos and a platter of Mexican food. Every day.
Maybe I should bring some spandex pants too?
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Will Magua be on my flight??
Good evening from the deck of The Ark.
It's been raining , hard, for 2 days, with it not due to stop for another 2.
I wish I could send some rain to Colorado!!
SO sad, seeing people's lives ruined and hearts broken.
I prayed for the firefighters and everyone else helping with evacuations.
Life is put-putting along.
Little Miss I Only Call When I Need Something hasn't called in a while.
Do I care?
Hmmmm.
Should I?
Yes.
3 solid years of never listening gets a wee bit tiresome.
Especially when she calls and begs for advice.
Which she never EVER takes.
Ever.
Well, I lied.
She did start taking birth control last summer when she thought she was pregnant.
And then again in the late Fall after she ran out in September.
Yeah.
A two month gap.
But, like, they still have the ability to prevent pregnancy when you don't take them for two months.
Right?
Yuh huh.
And people wonder why I go to extremely remote villages in the Andes?
I leave for Oklahoma City three weeks from tomorrow.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
I'm secretly hoping Wes Studi is on the plane so I can drill him about Magua in Last of the Mohicans.
My friend Karen is friends with Wes Studi's friend.
I know, we'll fer shur meet up.
I've lost 5 pounds in 10 days.
I am on track to be about 10 pounds down before I go on the Indian Taco Road Trip.
I barely eat carbs right now, and I'm going to HAVE to be good on the trip, or I'll fit real nice into our old tent in the garage.
I've shaved 8600 words off my WIP.
It's exhausting!!!
So...questions for the day.
Who is your favourite movie villian and why?
OR
What did God do lately that just freaked you RIGHT out??
It's been raining , hard, for 2 days, with it not due to stop for another 2.
I wish I could send some rain to Colorado!!
SO sad, seeing people's lives ruined and hearts broken.
I prayed for the firefighters and everyone else helping with evacuations.
Life is put-putting along.
Little Miss I Only Call When I Need Something hasn't called in a while.
Do I care?
Hmmmm.
Should I?
Yes.
3 solid years of never listening gets a wee bit tiresome.
Especially when she calls and begs for advice.
Which she never EVER takes.
Ever.
Well, I lied.
She did start taking birth control last summer when she thought she was pregnant.
And then again in the late Fall after she ran out in September.
Yeah.
A two month gap.
But, like, they still have the ability to prevent pregnancy when you don't take them for two months.
Right?
Yuh huh.
And people wonder why I go to extremely remote villages in the Andes?
I leave for Oklahoma City three weeks from tomorrow.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
I'm secretly hoping Wes Studi is on the plane so I can drill him about Magua in Last of the Mohicans.
My friend Karen is friends with Wes Studi's friend.
I know, we'll fer shur meet up.
I've lost 5 pounds in 10 days.
I am on track to be about 10 pounds down before I go on the Indian Taco Road Trip.
I barely eat carbs right now, and I'm going to HAVE to be good on the trip, or I'll fit real nice into our old tent in the garage.
I've shaved 8600 words off my WIP.
It's exhausting!!!
So...questions for the day.
Who is your favourite movie villian and why?
OR
What did God do lately that just freaked you RIGHT out??
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
For the not so faint of heart.
Watch this with the sound OFF, it's all wind.
This is how I travel in-country in Bolivia on my mission trips.
I LOVE Bolivia!!!!
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Research, road trip and hopefully no arrests.
Well.
The trip.
My good friend Karen Antone is Mohawk/Tuscarora/Oneida.
Yes,she's an American Indian.
Living in Fredericton, NB, doing mission work with Canadian Native people.
Her family did evangelism all across the US and Canada. She has been to every state except Alaska and Hawaii, or to the US Virgin Islands or Puerto Rico.
So when I started my book back in December, I began asking her questions regarding the Navajo culture. The hero is a Navajo Indian.
Before long, she suggested we do a road trip across Navajo country and I could meet some of her Navajo friends and get an insider's education from Navajo people. One that would not happen if a white Canadian just showed up at a Navajo cultural centre (that is how to spell it properly) and started asking questions. To walk up to someone and say "So, you're a Navajo Indian, tell me everything !" is bordering on insulting and well within the boundaries of stupid. To really have the little nuances that would make the book so much more authentic, I would need the grace and kindness offered only to a friend.
Although Karen's plan sounded awesome and incredible...there were a few minor, slight, ever so tiny problems.
A) We couldn't afford it.
B) We have 3 kids at home and 1 living with her *gem* of a boyfriend.
C) When could I go? School, hockey, school, soccer, school and of course, hockey. The logistics are enough to make you weep.
D)John is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS away in July for work. I cannot remember when he was home in July. I can not remember. I am single every July. I manage everyone and everything.
E) And holy cow, Arizona and New Mexico are very far away, hotels cost ALOT of money in summer and hahahah, HOW are we going to get there? Airfare in July? Bwahahahaha!
But when you pray, and you ask HIs will and for Him to lead you down the path He has made for you...God things happen.
John's work budget got cut. It got cut be roughly what he'd spend to do his field work. In July. Sooooo. No field work. In July. That means he'll be home. In July. To keep the house in order. In July. The kids don't have school. In July.
We have 11,800 Airmile points. A flight to Oklahoma CIty is 4350 points. Plus...get this....including travel cancellation and health insurance, my flight cost me...$248.53. Bahahaha!!!I cannot fly to Saint John for that! And Saint John is anhour's drive from here!
She has friends and family everywhere between Oklahoma and Phoenix and back. All with guest rooms and extra towels.
And Karen is needed in Oklahoma...in July. She's *driving* down with her sister. They leave next week. After they are done their work in Oklahoma, there is just enough time to drive from Oklahoma City to New Mexico and Arizona. And room enough in the car to bring a friend.
And what is in Arizona and New Mexico???
The Navajo Nation.
God is good.
The trip.
My good friend Karen Antone is Mohawk/Tuscarora/Oneida.
Yes,she's an American Indian.
Living in Fredericton, NB, doing mission work with Canadian Native people.
Her family did evangelism all across the US and Canada. She has been to every state except Alaska and Hawaii, or to the US Virgin Islands or Puerto Rico.
So when I started my book back in December, I began asking her questions regarding the Navajo culture. The hero is a Navajo Indian.
Before long, she suggested we do a road trip across Navajo country and I could meet some of her Navajo friends and get an insider's education from Navajo people. One that would not happen if a white Canadian just showed up at a Navajo cultural centre (that is how to spell it properly) and started asking questions. To walk up to someone and say "So, you're a Navajo Indian, tell me everything !" is bordering on insulting and well within the boundaries of stupid. To really have the little nuances that would make the book so much more authentic, I would need the grace and kindness offered only to a friend.
Although Karen's plan sounded awesome and incredible...there were a few minor, slight, ever so tiny problems.
A) We couldn't afford it.
B) We have 3 kids at home and 1 living with her *gem* of a boyfriend.
C) When could I go? School, hockey, school, soccer, school and of course, hockey. The logistics are enough to make you weep.
D)John is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS away in July for work. I cannot remember when he was home in July. I can not remember. I am single every July. I manage everyone and everything.
E) And holy cow, Arizona and New Mexico are very far away, hotels cost ALOT of money in summer and hahahah, HOW are we going to get there? Airfare in July? Bwahahahaha!
But when you pray, and you ask HIs will and for Him to lead you down the path He has made for you...God things happen.
John's work budget got cut. It got cut be roughly what he'd spend to do his field work. In July. Sooooo. No field work. In July. That means he'll be home. In July. To keep the house in order. In July. The kids don't have school. In July.
We have 11,800 Airmile points. A flight to Oklahoma CIty is 4350 points. Plus...get this....including travel cancellation and health insurance, my flight cost me...$248.53. Bahahaha!!!I cannot fly to Saint John for that! And Saint John is anhour's drive from here!
She has friends and family everywhere between Oklahoma and Phoenix and back. All with guest rooms and extra towels.
And Karen is needed in Oklahoma...in July. She's *driving* down with her sister. They leave next week. After they are done their work in Oklahoma, there is just enough time to drive from Oklahoma City to New Mexico and Arizona. And room enough in the car to bring a friend.
And what is in Arizona and New Mexico???
The Navajo Nation.
God is good.
Friday, June 15, 2012
Tell me what you think, is this acceptable or not?
This scene is from my WIP, it is when the hero, who goes by two different names, finally gets to kiss the heroine, named Sarah.
Tll me what you think...
**************************************
Simply being allowed to hold his girl was enough to cause Tag to send up prayers of thanks. Sarah had turned around to see the night sky and was standing with her back against Tag. After tightening his arms around her, Tag took a breath to speak. It reminded Sarah of her first night at the ranch, riding Black home under the night sky, safe from the darkness as Tag held her and comforted her.
"Do you like poetry, Sarah? Emma made me memorize quite a few poems, but I never thought that I'd ever use this one. I shall try and remember it all".
His fingers moved the wisps of her hair out of the way, then he put his lips down by her ear. Slowly, with a bit of pomp, he began to whisper.
"She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that 's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.”
Stopping for a moment, then tightening his hold, Tag slowed his speech and deepened his voice.
“And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all
A heart whose love is innocent!"
“That must have be written just for you, Sarah. That is how I saw you that night, out on the plains. I came out of the dark to see the most beautiful woman standing there. I knew you were frightened and had no reason to trust me, but you did. I think I lost my heart the moment you put your foot into my hands and let me lift you up onto Black. On the ride home, I could feel you shaking. Then, as I spoke to you and Black carried us home, you started to trust me. “
Sarah rested safely against his chest, not afraid of what might come next. Never had anyone made an effort to woo her with such tenderness, to make her heart long for just one more word. The heady rush of being loved was so foreign, yet there was nothing to fear. Tag held her for a long while. All she wanted was to feel his heart beating and lean against him. No other thoughts entered her mind.
“Are you alright, Sarah? You have been so quiet."
She let out a small laugh.
"Well, Rides Like An Arrow, you held me and whispered Byron into my ear, I can manage nothing more.”
Tag rested near her ear, his voice was so soft, she knew it was one that he saved for her alone.
"I know quite a lot more poetry. I might recite something else for you, but be careful because you shall not be warned."
“Well, sir, I think perhaps just hearing you whisper the alphabet in my ear would be enough. But I’ll take Byron as well. Or maybe some Navajo, you can choose.”
“Mmmmm, what shall it be?”
“…anything.”
The moon floated across the night sky, sending a gentle breeze through the heavens. Sarah could almost hear laughter as the stars twirled in circles above the earth. Never in her life had she shared a moment such as this. Tag had proven his strength and his gentleness, Sarah was unsure which was more wonderful.
But Sarah knew that she had to let the magic fall from her hands and float to the ground.
"Well…if we are to make that journey tomorrow, a good night's sleep would be splendid. We really should go back to the house."
“Mmm hmmm.”
Tag unwrapped her from their cocoon and sighed deeply as Sarah turned around. He caught her as she came face to face with him.
"I do have one more request."
“Oh?”
"Will you say my name again?"
Her heart shot to the sky, she could not take her eyes off his face, nor could she speak above a whisper. Sarah’s hands got lost in Tag’s long hair and then met up again behind his neck.
“Rides Like An Arrow.... I love you.”
Rides Like An Arrow took hold of Sarah’s face and kissed her forehead. His heart began to pound as he kissed her cheek. He could barely breathe by the time his arms found their way around her. He ran his hands down the back of her arms, pulling her close enough to feel her breath on his neck. When he felt how fast her shoulders rose and fell, he knew she was overwhelmed. Tag wanted to kiss her like he hadn’t kissed a woman in a very long time. But he wouldn’t take what was not freely given and he loved her too much to go any further.
“Sarah?”
“Yes?”
“May I?”
All time and thought stopped. The moon could have fallen from the sky and Tag would not have noticed. Nothing else mattered. Nothing else was there. Just her. Only her.
Sarah felt like she could fly. The air around her felt like the sky before a storm. Like Christmas angels were getting ready to sing. Like a thousand lions were about to roar. Fear was gone forever.
Sarah reached up and pulled Tag down toward her, down to where she could feel his ragged breathing on her face.
“Yes.”
Sarah closed her eyes.
Rides Like An Arrow made the world disappear.
Tll me what you think...
**************************************
Simply being allowed to hold his girl was enough to cause Tag to send up prayers of thanks. Sarah had turned around to see the night sky and was standing with her back against Tag. After tightening his arms around her, Tag took a breath to speak. It reminded Sarah of her first night at the ranch, riding Black home under the night sky, safe from the darkness as Tag held her and comforted her.
"Do you like poetry, Sarah? Emma made me memorize quite a few poems, but I never thought that I'd ever use this one. I shall try and remember it all".
His fingers moved the wisps of her hair out of the way, then he put his lips down by her ear. Slowly, with a bit of pomp, he began to whisper.
"She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that 's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.”
Stopping for a moment, then tightening his hold, Tag slowed his speech and deepened his voice.
“And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all
A heart whose love is innocent!"
“That must have be written just for you, Sarah. That is how I saw you that night, out on the plains. I came out of the dark to see the most beautiful woman standing there. I knew you were frightened and had no reason to trust me, but you did. I think I lost my heart the moment you put your foot into my hands and let me lift you up onto Black. On the ride home, I could feel you shaking. Then, as I spoke to you and Black carried us home, you started to trust me. “
Sarah rested safely against his chest, not afraid of what might come next. Never had anyone made an effort to woo her with such tenderness, to make her heart long for just one more word. The heady rush of being loved was so foreign, yet there was nothing to fear. Tag held her for a long while. All she wanted was to feel his heart beating and lean against him. No other thoughts entered her mind.
“Are you alright, Sarah? You have been so quiet."
She let out a small laugh.
"Well, Rides Like An Arrow, you held me and whispered Byron into my ear, I can manage nothing more.”
Tag rested near her ear, his voice was so soft, she knew it was one that he saved for her alone.
"I know quite a lot more poetry. I might recite something else for you, but be careful because you shall not be warned."
“Well, sir, I think perhaps just hearing you whisper the alphabet in my ear would be enough. But I’ll take Byron as well. Or maybe some Navajo, you can choose.”
“Mmmmm, what shall it be?”
“…anything.”
The moon floated across the night sky, sending a gentle breeze through the heavens. Sarah could almost hear laughter as the stars twirled in circles above the earth. Never in her life had she shared a moment such as this. Tag had proven his strength and his gentleness, Sarah was unsure which was more wonderful.
But Sarah knew that she had to let the magic fall from her hands and float to the ground.
"Well…if we are to make that journey tomorrow, a good night's sleep would be splendid. We really should go back to the house."
“Mmm hmmm.”
Tag unwrapped her from their cocoon and sighed deeply as Sarah turned around. He caught her as she came face to face with him.
"I do have one more request."
“Oh?”
"Will you say my name again?"
Her heart shot to the sky, she could not take her eyes off his face, nor could she speak above a whisper. Sarah’s hands got lost in Tag’s long hair and then met up again behind his neck.
“Rides Like An Arrow.... I love you.”
Rides Like An Arrow took hold of Sarah’s face and kissed her forehead. His heart began to pound as he kissed her cheek. He could barely breathe by the time his arms found their way around her. He ran his hands down the back of her arms, pulling her close enough to feel her breath on his neck. When he felt how fast her shoulders rose and fell, he knew she was overwhelmed. Tag wanted to kiss her like he hadn’t kissed a woman in a very long time. But he wouldn’t take what was not freely given and he loved her too much to go any further.
“Sarah?”
“Yes?”
“May I?”
All time and thought stopped. The moon could have fallen from the sky and Tag would not have noticed. Nothing else mattered. Nothing else was there. Just her. Only her.
Sarah felt like she could fly. The air around her felt like the sky before a storm. Like Christmas angels were getting ready to sing. Like a thousand lions were about to roar. Fear was gone forever.
Sarah reached up and pulled Tag down toward her, down to where she could feel his ragged breathing on her face.
“Yes.”
Sarah closed her eyes.
Rides Like An Arrow made the world disappear.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
3 Mohawks, some Navajos and a white girl get in a car...
Six months of talk, weeks of planning, MUCH prayer to be able to go and finally, today, I booked my flights
Where to, you ask?
I fly Halifax to Oklahoma City, then I'm joining my 2 friends and maybe their dad, on a wee bit of a drive.
Friends? You have friends?
Yes, they are Mohawk/Oneida Indians. They do mission work up here.
So. A drive?
Why yes, a drive.
Where to?
From Oklahoma CIty to Albuquerque , New Mexico. From ABQ, as everyone calls it, to Window Rock, New Mexico.
So, why Window Rock? What's so great about Window Rock? In July?
Yup, the hottest time of the year.
Soooo, this Rock place? What's the big deal?
Window Rock, my readers, is the capital of the Navajo Nation.
I am going on a research trip for my book.
I am going to Navajo Country!!!!!!!!!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
God is SO GOOD!!!
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Where do you go when your knees give out?
So, where DO you go when your weary knees give out? When you are spent. When you've sought after God's heart and you are exhausted?
I listen to music. I write. I stare of into the back yard, from my *office* in the dining room.
How do you cope when you are so tired you can't remember your own name?
Saturday, June 2, 2012
This is from my journal/blog on OpenDiary.com, written on June 22nd, 2001.
We'd had a miscarriage and I was utterly broken. I was 38.
This was my very first blog entry. My best friend Robyn had me start writing to cope with the pain.
So here we go...
There was a film made a few years ago about women in a POW camp in WW2. It was called "The Paradise Road", in reference to the road towards the gates of Heaven walked alone once one had died. Why do I mention this now??
We found out yesterday that our 10 week fetus was not 10 weeks along, but had died at 6 weeks. Holy smokes. I had just wrapped my head around the "we are having another Baby!!!"
Now they tell me that it isn't a baby, it's a mass of cells still attached to my uterine wall, somehow still in there. But it's NOT a "mass", it's my child. My DEAD child.
A lesson called" How to crush the spirit and still pretend to function"?
So now I prepare for the slow/fast expulsion of the "baby". Somehow.
How do I let this baby go? How do I cope with still harbouring a dead child? Ahhhhhhgh ! I thought and I thought. Then the shortest prayer many have uttered..."help".
Then, the movie's title came to mind." Paradise Road". Walk down the Paradise Road. I am a firm believer in an absolute and loving God. I know He put this thought into my blurred and worn out mind.
So I mentally wrapped my baby up, put it in the nice big blue pram, and walked down the long Paradise Road. I am not alone in this. God is there, walking ahead, leading us so I can keep my eyes on you.
So on we walk, Baby and Mother. Saying my goodbyes. It was so painful,I didn't even know if you are a girl or a boy!!!
We get to the Gate. I have to go back now.
I'll meet you in 60 years when I die in my sleep, then please meet me at the beginning of the road. You'll show me the way. Then you can tell me your name. Take the blanket. Even though Heaven is warm, you might need this. We loved you.
We'd had a miscarriage and I was utterly broken. I was 38.
This was my very first blog entry. My best friend Robyn had me start writing to cope with the pain.
So here we go...
There was a film made a few years ago about women in a POW camp in WW2. It was called "The Paradise Road", in reference to the road towards the gates of Heaven walked alone once one had died. Why do I mention this now??
We found out yesterday that our 10 week fetus was not 10 weeks along, but had died at 6 weeks. Holy smokes. I had just wrapped my head around the "we are having another Baby!!!"
Now they tell me that it isn't a baby, it's a mass of cells still attached to my uterine wall, somehow still in there. But it's NOT a "mass", it's my child. My DEAD child.
A lesson called" How to crush the spirit and still pretend to function"?
So now I prepare for the slow/fast expulsion of the "baby". Somehow.
How do I let this baby go? How do I cope with still harbouring a dead child? Ahhhhhhgh ! I thought and I thought. Then the shortest prayer many have uttered..."help".
Then, the movie's title came to mind." Paradise Road". Walk down the Paradise Road. I am a firm believer in an absolute and loving God. I know He put this thought into my blurred and worn out mind.
So I mentally wrapped my baby up, put it in the nice big blue pram, and walked down the long Paradise Road. I am not alone in this. God is there, walking ahead, leading us so I can keep my eyes on you.
So on we walk, Baby and Mother. Saying my goodbyes. It was so painful,I didn't even know if you are a girl or a boy!!!
We get to the Gate. I have to go back now.
I'll meet you in 60 years when I die in my sleep, then please meet me at the beginning of the road. You'll show me the way. Then you can tell me your name. Take the blanket. Even though Heaven is warm, you might need this. We loved you.
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